Trying to Keep It Together

The past few days have been rough. But not with the usual roughness I sometimes complain about on Twitter or Instagram. Tomorrow I go back to work and the past week I’ve been holding back tears because I feel like I’m just not ready. With Aubrey, I was. I was ready to go back as she had her routine, days were pretty much always the same. With Luke, we’re not near that. The only thing I can *almost* count on is his sleep. He falls asleep around 8:30 each night and sleeps till around 4:30, eats, then goes back to sleep until Aubrey wakes him (which has been anywhere from 6-6:45 every day. oy SO EARLY!). Daytimes are all over. I try to put him down for a nap around 8:30, but some days we’re doing the same song and dance till 11:30. Some days he’ll nap for 30 minutes. Some days he’ll nap for over an hour. In the afternoons he sleeps a good chunk of time, but I never know when he’ll fall asleep.

Every child is different, and I really feel that. Luke is more needy. It’s not bad, it’s just different and I’m adjusting. He likes to be held all the time, especially during dinner. He likes to sit on my lap and watch all of us as we eat. Naps this past week have been on me, since he won’t settle long enough to pass out if he’s on his own. I don’t mind it, but I realize it’s making it harder for the venture back to work tomorrow.

Last night I told Jon I feel like I could just crumble into tears at any moment. I did, today, after he passed out in the Ergo and Jon said how big he’s getting. Just like that, my eyes teared up and Jon knows why. He said that he’ll always be a snuggler with me, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s different because Aubrey doesn’t like to. She’ll sit on my lap from time to time and give lots of hugs and kisses. But she doesn’t snuggle up often while watching tv. She does if we read a book but lately she takes the book and finishes reading through it on the floor.

I know once I’m back at work, it’ll be routines all over the place and maybe a better thing for Luke in general. But today, I’ll just be the one not really trying to think about it so I don’t combust into a puddle of tears.



  1. says

    awww I’m hoping that you still are getting snuggles. I wish pumpkin was more snuggly, but she always is so curious about everything to relax. But I sooo understand being emotionally on the brink some days. I hope you have been able to find that balance since writing this! *hugs*

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