I have the timehop app on my phone. Most days, it’s a joyful reminder of images and videos that are from past years of the kids. Right now it’s cycling through the first few weeks of Luke’s life. It tugs on my heart strings because it’s a constant reminder of how fast time goes by. Other days it’s a sad reminder through memories of a loved one no longer with us. I usually check it out sometime during the day, and lately life is so crazy that it’s the afternoon and Abe (do you know Abe?) is sending me messages reminding me I have something to look at.
So today, while I was pumping at work, I checked and I had this pop up from 6 years ago.
The two weeks the caption speaks over covers 2 huge tragedies that I had no idea how long it would take to “heal” from. I say “heal” because really, it never escapes us, but time makes it easier to get through the day to day. The first was the tragedy of the loss of my cousin. (well, to clarify, he became my cousin through marrying one of my cousins). He passed away over a simple accident and our family grieved together. We rallied around my cousin and then a week later, another tragedy – but this time was a loss of something close to me. Jon and I had our first ultrasound appointment and found out our first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. 6 years later and the image of the screen showing the outline of a baby that wasn’t meant to be is still vivid now as it was back then.
6 years ago I went in the morning to have a d&c (that’s a surgery to basically remove any evidence of a pregnancy). I can still remember wanting water SO BAD before the surgery. I wanted gum. My mom asked and I was not allowed to have anything. I remember the “drunk” feeling as they loaded the first round of anesthesia in my IV. I remember waking up and wondering why my body was so sore.
I also remember coming home to this. I met a group of ladies while wedding planning. We were all living in Southern California (except one – bless her heart) and they came together and had this waiting for me when I got home. It’s a few of my favorite things. Coffee, Prosecco, baked goods, and trashy magazines. The card was one of the most beautiful things I’ve received. I still have it.
So now for why life is so funny. After I found that photo, and finished pumping, I packed up my items, picked Luke up from preschool, and we drove to the same building to have his 3 year old well-child visit. As I was driving over there, the emotions I felt was odd. I seriously didn’t remember what today was. Because time is a blessing and all the chaos of life has dulled the memory.
And today’s verse for my morning bible time was also quite fitting. God is good. He knows our entire journey. Back then, I didn’t know why. I wasn’t in a relationship with God. I was just me. But that one event sparked a transformation and I’m so grateful.