I almost had to say this in my own house last night. Yes, it’s true. Let me set the stage.
Jon and I had just finished eating and I had been parked on the couch for a good hour or so in general. I was talking to him on the couch, and out of the corner of my eye I spotted the box of Twinkies he had stored up on top of our cabinets. Mid sentence I swear I said Oooooooooh Twinkies. So I asked him to get me one.
He said no. Now, he always does this, and then when I get up, he said “Ok ok ok, I’ll get it” So now that I know his games, I always say “Ok I’ll just ask one more time, cuz if you really are going to get it, I’m not even going to try to get up.”
He said no, I had to get it. So I got my 31-week pregnant ass off the couch and immediately realized I had to pee. But, Twinkies were more important. Jon starts laughing at me. I start laughing. I told him he better stop making me laugh because if he didn’t, I was going to pee all over the floor.
Except he kept laughing. He laughed as I dragged the chair out from the kitchen table. I kept laughing. He laughed as I got up on the chair. I kept laughing. I told him again to stop or else I was peeing all over the floor and he was going to have to pick it up since it’s his fault he stores the Twinkies on top of the cabinet and I’m short and tonight he wouldn’t get me one.
So he keeps laughing. I get one out of the box. Oooooooh, PopTarts! He stored THOSE up there too! Damn. So I opened up the one box, grabbed out two Chocolate Fudge ones. He’s still laughing at me. I’m still laughing. I also grab 2 of the Strawberry Frosting ones. Because, a pregnant girl needs options. So I told him I was seriously about to pee ALL OVER THE CHAIR AND FLOOR.
He still laughed. He laughed as I put the PopTarts in my pockets (so I, of course, would have free hands to get myself off the chair. Safety first!) and he laughed as I put the twinkie in my hand. Actually. He told me to just open it and shove it in my mouth so I had free hands because I needed to be careful.
Finally I made it off the chair, with my 4 packs of PopTarts and my one Twinkie. And I put them all into the cabinet and RAN to the bathroom.
He asked me, after, why I had been sitting on the couch forever and then wanted a Twinkie and only THEN realized I needed to pee. Obvoiusly he never has been pregnant to know that gravity brings your belly and the baby down on your bladder when you stand.
And yes, I did enjoy my Twinkie that night. thankyouverymuch.
errr, and maybe a frosted strawberry poptart