A year passed

Do you come across those moments in your life that you’ll never forget? That no matter how much time passes, it’ll always feel like “yesterday”? Today is one of those days. Well, a year ago today.

It started off as any other thursday. After work Jon and I had an appointment to meet with our realtor to see about selling our condo so we could move into a bigger house, since we recently found out we were pregnant. The appointment went great, and we both left to meet up at home.

I got home, Jon beat me there, and he didn’t seem so cheerful anymore. He told me to sit down and he had to tell me something. I wondered what the hell was going on since we last saw each other 20 min ago. He told me that my cousin, Jim (married to my cousin) had fallen down the stairs and died.

WHAT. I just saw him the weekend before!! He had to be kidding. I felt numb. I didn’t know what to do. But I had to do something. From that point on, life changed. Sure, I’ve had my grandparents pass. But they had lived their whole life, had children, watched their children have children. Jim was 35. How was it fair that one tiny accident could end his life? We’ve all fallen before. Did you ever think that could have really resulted in the end of your life??

That was the start of a rough week. We spent all our time that weekend with our family, supporting my cousin Christy. Shortly after we also learned that our baby had passed away. If there could be any week that I could erase in my lifetime, it would have been that one. Emotional roller coaster can’t even begin to explain how we all felt.

Yet each day we cried a bit less, and time has slowly healed our hearts. But don’t mistake that to mean we’re all fine. That Christy is completely back to life as usual. I don’t think it will ever be like that. Each family gathering is a new experience – trying to figure out how to fill the void in all of our hearts. Thanksgiving is interesting because we would always watch football, even though my aunt hated the tv being on.

We would tease my sis for not knowing a damn thing about the sport. Jim would always ask who we picked to win for our football pool that week. Then grill me on WHY I picked that team. I would come up for some justification. And then parade around the living room doing the happy dance when that team won. (truly there wasn’t much substantial reasoning for why I picked them).

I’m rambling. But I won’t apologize. Reminiscing about the loved ones you’ve lost always ends up with that. Just bits and pieces that are brought into a conversation. Resulting in laughter or a few tears. So there will be a lot of that today. Hopefully more the former than the latter.

So love the family you have around you. You never know when they might leave.

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Comments

  1. Michele F. says

    I remember that week, and i know how hard it was on you!! Here’s to Jim looking down super excited that things are looking up.

  2. Jon says

    He was always mad if we didn’t pick the Raiders…which was all the time…LOL. Jim we miss you like crazy. No one had your wit. Whether you liked it or not everyone always knew you cared deeply for them.

  3. Kristan says

    I can’t even begin to understand how you are feeling. I remember that week like it was yesterday. You stopped by my house before you headed home just to pick up a few things and didn’t stay very long, you had to meet Jon at home. It’s crazy how things can change in our lives so quickly. We all have to learn how to live life in the moment and appreciate all that we have. Thank you so much for coming by yesterday!! It means the world to me that you were able to come by. 🙂 Love you!!!

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